Do not scold your man.......

                                                                          



Week 3 ladies!

Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.

Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.

Now week 3 is this...........

Do not ever scold your husband.

He is not your child.

We mothers are very prone to including our husbands in with our children when it comes to correction/admonishing/scolding.We need to be VERY careful not to do this.

I have been asked what I believe is appropriate and what is not appropriate as far as correcting your husband.I am going to give several examples of what *I* feel is respectful in this area.Examples to show how *I* have handled things over the years.I am not giving these as FACTS, but my opinions.I will say that I have an excellent marriage and my husband would tell you the same.I will also say that I have never seen a happy marriage where the wife was in the "mother" role towards her husband."Scolding" him and correcting him at every turn.

We need to remember these scriptures as we go along.

Ephesians 5:22- 24

Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands,as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife,even as Christ is the head of the church:and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:33

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

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I thought I would use the definitions below to help me explain.



Scolding

1.the action of one who scolds


2: a harsh reproof
 
Admonish
 
1a : to indicate duties or obligations to b : to express warning or disapproval to especially in a gentle, earnest, or solicitous manner


2: to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement to


Correct
 
1a : to make or set right : amend b : counteract, neutralize c : to alter or adjust so as to bring to some standard or required condition


2a : to punish (as a child) with a view to reforming or improving b : to point out usually for amendment the errors or faults of

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Ok,first and foremost.............NEVER,

I repeat,NEVER :) scold(definition #2) your husband in front of others.Even the children.

It is a good idea to never scold your husband period.I don't think I ever have.Not even in private.

My husband would not, and has never, even scolded ME in public or in front of the children and he is not even commanded to reverence ME.

Example of scolding.......

You see your husband rough housing with the children and he falls back onto the coffee table,busting it.

"Now look! You busted the coffee table! I wish you would think about stuff like that! You are being irresponsible and not a good steward of what the Lord has given you and look what a bad example you are being to the children!You are supposed to be TEACHING THEM to be responsible!"

That makes me cringe.

I have heard it many,many,times from many,many wives.

You should never speak to your husband like that.Decide today that you will NEVER scold your husband like that.I don't care if he ruins the furniture,doesn't put the toilet seat down,lets the children do things you don't think he should,doesn't come home when he says he will etc. etc.

Here is a little test to put yourself through.(You don't have to tell us the answer.)

What would you say/how would you act if you asked your husband to watch the children while you took a shower and when you came back out 15 minutes later your toddler was coloring on the walls while your husband was playing a computer game?

Would you scold him? Would you remind him in that *tone* that he was supposed to be watching the children? Would you say alot more than that?

If you are the scolding type,you are doing your marriage and family much harm.All you are doing is showing how little "reverence" you have for your husband.How little you respect him.It will not motivate him to do right.It will only make him feel negative towards you.You will accomplish NOTHING more than tearing your marriage down.

Do NOT scold him.

Your husband has alot of growing and maturing to do,as do you.You can best help him do this by being determined to be his help,his lover,his support.......NOT his mother.Train your children,leave your husband alone.

Can you never tell him that he is wrong?

Well yes,there are definitely times that you can tell your husband that you believe he is wrong ,but when you do it,it shouldn't be in a "scolding" way and it should always be in private.

Ask him how it makes him feel to be scolded by you.(If you are a scolder)

Admonishment

In my marriage I never do 1.a.I do not remind my husband of what he should be doing for the children and I.That is not my place.

 I will do 1.b and 2. if my husband asks for my opinion.(Which he does often). I am very careful though to make my words reverent and respectful.

For instance,lately he is looking for a truck and has asked my opinion *many* times.:) He loves talking about it with me.I give him my opinion BUT I do not expect him to follow it.Whatever he decides is fine.

If I think that Chevy's are junk and he decided to get a Chevy I am not going to admonish him.

If he calls me and tells me that he is going to go look at a truck, I will not admonish him to be careful to make sure it has good tires and that it gets good gas mileage etc.

If he comes home with a truck that cost $10,000.00 more than we wanted to spend I will not admonish him.

I am to submit to him in all things,as unto the Lord,as the church does to Christ....I am to respect him and REVERENCE him......

He chooses the path we are going to go, and I help him along the way.I will respectfully give him my opinions (while being very careful not to be a nag) and then follow him and what he decides.Not admonishing him for his decisions.

Correction

I find it very disrespectful to hear a man telling a group of people a story about a green truck and hear his wife pipe up that "actually it was blue".I am very careful that I do not use this type of correction much.It usually is not respectful or necessary.Once in a while,if it is very important to have the exact facts,I will say something but I make sure it is not in a disrespectful way.

We will joke around alot and that is different.He may be telling a friend about the time he soaked me with the water hose and I won't hesitate to say "You did NOT! I was barely wet! YOU were the one who got soaked!" etc. etc. :)

I better make a disclaimer that if your husband wants to rob banks and have you be the one to hold the gun to the bank tellers head then NO,you should not refrain from correcting him, and you should not submit to him.

So there you go! Those are some of my opinions on this topic.

Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.


Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.

Week 3-Do not ever scold your husband!