Or God's way?
The world says that marriage should be 50/50. That *sounds* good, but it isn't.Just look around at the world's marriages.Most marriages are bad.It's true.How many people do you know of with a blissfully happy marriage?
Marriage should be 100/100.Each of you should be putting 100% into your marriage, always.
If he only puts 10%,you *still* put 100%.
It may sound crazy, but it isn't.
It is a perfect and wonderful plan.
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
Week 4-.Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
How has everyone been doing? Have your husbands noticed and differences?How are *you* feeling?What have you learned?
I have been doing great on 1&3......They aren't issues for me.
2- I have been having a harder time remembering! The morning just slips away from me sometimes! I have only missed a couple of days though! Sometimes I start later than I would like.I WILL keep working at it!
4- I have been doing great but this is something that I *always* have to work on.
On a fun note,what is everyone doing for Valentines day? :)
Guess what we are doing? lol We are planning to *get together* (if you know what I mean *wink*) :) every.single.day this month! lol It will be fun! I dare you to try it with your husband! :)
I am off for now.......Scott will be home soon and I want to be in decent clothes! :):):)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Influencing Our Husbands?
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
Then THIS week is........
Week 4-Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts
My dear friend Tina,from A gentle Mother,shared this with me and I thought it fit PERFECT with our topic this week.Here it is........
"How can she (a wife) make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life; not by having any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband's duties and on manly character; she can only do it by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is."
~J.R. Miller Home-Making (aka The Family Life) 1882
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Such wonderful stuff.........We need to be sure that we are doing what we are doing for the Lord.It needs to be what we ARE because of HIM.If you are trying to be a good wife so that your husband will change,you have the wrong attitude.You need to strive to be godly because it is what you ARE.
If we are only acting in certain ways for a time so that we can influence,it won't work.I have had people try the things I talk about here and after a few weeks they say "It's not WORKING!"
That is the wrong attitude.
Strive to serve the Lord.
Strive to do his will.
Study his word.
Pray to him for wisdom and strength.
Seek to please HIM everyday.
Change for HIM.
HE will do the work..............He has a plan and you have no idea what it is.
Become the kind of wife that the Lord wants you to be, expecting NOTHING from your husband.
This is the attitude you must have.
We can be a huge influence on our husbands but it has to be what we ARE.
Not what we are for a few weeks because we are trying to change him........
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
Then THIS week is........
Week 4-Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts
My dear friend Tina,from A gentle Mother,shared this with me and I thought it fit PERFECT with our topic this week.Here it is........
"How can she (a wife) make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life; not by having any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband's duties and on manly character; she can only do it by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is."
~J.R. Miller Home-Making (aka The Family Life) 1882
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Such wonderful stuff.........We need to be sure that we are doing what we are doing for the Lord.It needs to be what we ARE because of HIM.If you are trying to be a good wife so that your husband will change,you have the wrong attitude.You need to strive to be godly because it is what you ARE.
If we are only acting in certain ways for a time so that we can influence,it won't work.I have had people try the things I talk about here and after a few weeks they say "It's not WORKING!"
That is the wrong attitude.
Strive to serve the Lord.
Strive to do his will.
Study his word.
Pray to him for wisdom and strength.
Seek to please HIM everyday.
Change for HIM.
HE will do the work..............He has a plan and you have no idea what it is.
Become the kind of wife that the Lord wants you to be, expecting NOTHING from your husband.
This is the attitude you must have.
We can be a huge influence on our husbands but it has to be what we ARE.
Not what we are for a few weeks because we are trying to change him........
Monday, January 30, 2012
The biggest marriage stumbling block.......
First of all,I am sorry that I have not written ANYTHING in the last 2 days! I missed Friday,planned on catching up on Saturday and then I was in town until 3:00!!!!! After that it was date night and the time just slipped away...........Sunday is just a "How did you do this week?" day and since only a couple people actually tell me how they are doing...........:):):):) I didn't think it was that important to do Sunday.:)
I *DO* have 8 weeks of things planned though! I literally have *something* planned every day for the next 5 weeks so I am not quitting! :) Even though no one is *saying* anything I see plenty of traffic here so I am assuming that people are still reading and just to busy to post which is FINE! :):)
So let us proceed with week 4! :):):)
I want to say here that everything I am writing comes from *my* experiences.These are the things I have learned and have come to believe throughout the 15 years that I have been a wife.I want to share them with others.I don't claim to be perfect and I do expect you to be considering your OWN husband and his desires as you go along here.All marriages are different.
Now that that is said.......... :)
Week four is about what I believe is the biggest marriage stumbling block.It is actually the biggest relationship stumbling block PERIOD.
"I will do what I am supposed to do if you do what you are supposed to do."
Yep..........We ALL know about that one.
The habit for week 4 is something that you will have to work on every day for the rest of your life.( me too)
Here it is.........
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
It's that simple.
You say "Well what about him????? What about the things HE is supposed to do?"
What about them? Can you force him to do those things? No more than he can force YOU to do the things YOU should do for him.
You say "Why is it all the woman? Why does the woman have to do all the changing?"
It is NOT all the woman.Both woman AND man will face the Lord someday.He does not require any more from a woman than he does a man.
He commands women to serve HIM with all of their heart and soul.
He commands men to serve HIM with all of their heart and soul.
Will you face the Lord someday and tell him "Lord,I was not obedient to you because my husband was not being obedient to you."
No.
Well,you might try it but it won't get you anywhere.
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
If you are a christian,your job is to serve the Lord and if you are a wife,part of that job is to serve your husband.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know,that the head of every man is Christ;and the head of the woman is the man;and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 3:9
Neither was the man created for the woman;but the woman for the man.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands,as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,even as Christ is the head of the church:and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Read 1st Peter chapter 3.
THIS is your job.It is not your job to make sure that your husband is doing his job.Your job is to follow the Lord's commandments.
This is what week 4 is about.........
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
When a situation happens that makes it hard for you to respect your husband like you should........Look past him and see Christ.
Do it for Christ.
Do it because you want to be a godly woman.
Share your thoughts here about 1 Peter chapter 3!!!!!!
I *DO* have 8 weeks of things planned though! I literally have *something* planned every day for the next 5 weeks so I am not quitting! :) Even though no one is *saying* anything I see plenty of traffic here so I am assuming that people are still reading and just to busy to post which is FINE! :):)
So let us proceed with week 4! :):):)
I want to say here that everything I am writing comes from *my* experiences.These are the things I have learned and have come to believe throughout the 15 years that I have been a wife.I want to share them with others.I don't claim to be perfect and I do expect you to be considering your OWN husband and his desires as you go along here.All marriages are different.
Now that that is said.......... :)
Week four is about what I believe is the biggest marriage stumbling block.It is actually the biggest relationship stumbling block PERIOD.
"I will do what I am supposed to do if you do what you are supposed to do."
Yep..........We ALL know about that one.
The habit for week 4 is something that you will have to work on every day for the rest of your life.( me too)
Here it is.........
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
It's that simple.
You say "Well what about him????? What about the things HE is supposed to do?"
What about them? Can you force him to do those things? No more than he can force YOU to do the things YOU should do for him.
You say "Why is it all the woman? Why does the woman have to do all the changing?"
It is NOT all the woman.Both woman AND man will face the Lord someday.He does not require any more from a woman than he does a man.
He commands women to serve HIM with all of their heart and soul.
He commands men to serve HIM with all of their heart and soul.
Will you face the Lord someday and tell him "Lord,I was not obedient to you because my husband was not being obedient to you."
No.
Well,you might try it but it won't get you anywhere.
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
If you are a christian,your job is to serve the Lord and if you are a wife,part of that job is to serve your husband.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know,that the head of every man is Christ;and the head of the woman is the man;and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 3:9
Neither was the man created for the woman;but the woman for the man.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands,as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,even as Christ is the head of the church:and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Read 1st Peter chapter 3.
THIS is your job.It is not your job to make sure that your husband is doing his job.Your job is to follow the Lord's commandments.
This is what week 4 is about.........
Be determined to be what the Lord desires you to do be regardless of what your husband does or how he acts.
When a situation happens that makes it hard for you to respect your husband like you should........Look past him and see Christ.
Do it for Christ.
Do it because you want to be a godly woman.
Share your thoughts here about 1 Peter chapter 3!!!!!!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Friday........Thankful list!
First,I am sorry I didn't post yesterday.I was so busy and then I forgot.I will post SATURDAY what I was going to post yesterday.
How is everyone doing?
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am doing great.The hardest thing is for me to read my Bible and pray in the mornings.As I have said before,this is something I have wanted to make a habit of for YEARS and I have never stuck with it.I really want to change that.I want it to be so that I crave/need that time with the Lord like I do the other things in my life that I love.I want it to be HABIT.
Today I opened my Bible as soon as Scott walked out the door and I had my time praying too.I am very happy about that!!!
My thankful list for this week.
1.I love that he loves people as much as I do.We both love having company/socializing.*Especially* with other christians.
2.I love that he is not bossy.I love that he doesn't tell me what to do 99% of the time.He is very easy to please in this area.He doesn't tell me how to cook,clean,decorate,garden etc.(He DOES tell me how to drive! roflol)
3.I love that he loves little ones so much.He is constantly pointing out darling things that the children do and talking about how cute they are.
4.I love that the other day he told me that he wouldn't give up these years with the children for any amount of money in the world.
5.I love that he is firm in his spiritual beliefs and firm about passing them down to his children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know about you ladies but when I read your lists I think we all have pretty amazing husbands!
Don't you just LOVE godly men? ALL godly/masculine men and fathers? What would we do without them?
How is everyone doing?
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am doing great.The hardest thing is for me to read my Bible and pray in the mornings.As I have said before,this is something I have wanted to make a habit of for YEARS and I have never stuck with it.I really want to change that.I want it to be so that I crave/need that time with the Lord like I do the other things in my life that I love.I want it to be HABIT.
Today I opened my Bible as soon as Scott walked out the door and I had my time praying too.I am very happy about that!!!
My thankful list for this week.
1.I love that he loves people as much as I do.We both love having company/socializing.*Especially* with other christians.
2.I love that he is not bossy.I love that he doesn't tell me what to do 99% of the time.He is very easy to please in this area.He doesn't tell me how to cook,clean,decorate,garden etc.(He DOES tell me how to drive! roflol)
3.I love that he loves little ones so much.He is constantly pointing out darling things that the children do and talking about how cute they are.
4.I love that the other day he told me that he wouldn't give up these years with the children for any amount of money in the world.
5.I love that he is firm in his spiritual beliefs and firm about passing them down to his children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know about you ladies but when I read your lists I think we all have pretty amazing husbands!
Don't you just LOVE godly men? ALL godly/masculine men and fathers? What would we do without them?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Study others........
Sorry this is so late.
How have you been doing?
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something I do ALOT is to study other couples.Look around you.If you are blessed enough to know someone with a happy marriage,study them.Study the bad marriages too.See what they do,how they act.All marriages will be different for sure and I don't mean to say that you should start acting like your neighbors wife.You are married to YOUR husband and it is very important to remember that.
BUT......There are many things though that are right for *everybody*.
Study other couples,other women.It is so hard to see your own faults,we all know that.When I see other people act in unattractive ways it really helps me see how it LOOKS.It makes me look at myself and see if *I* act like that.When someone acts in a way that I think is attractive and godly, I look at myself and see if *I* have room for improvement in that area.
You can learn SO much from studying other people.Christian AND non-Christian!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is everyone doing? I have been doing great at #1 and pretty good at #2! Today I just TOTALLY forgot though! I didn't pray or read my Bible and didn't even REALIZE it until tonight!
#3 I really don't have a problem with but it is something I am always keeping in my heart to NOT do.
Lets not *ever* get comfortable and slack in our marriages! No matter HOW wonderful our marriages are we have to make sure that we tend to them every day.
I don't care how healthy you have eaten your entire life,if you quit feeding and watering yourself you are going to die.
Well I am off for now to have an evening with my man! :)
Lately he has been sooooooooooooooo sweet.Telling me every day,multiple times a day how much he loves me and how wonderful I am.Doing the sweetest things for me and helping me out so much........I love that man and I love this challenge! I always want to make sure to keep my marriage ALIVE.
How have you been doing?
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Never scold your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something I do ALOT is to study other couples.Look around you.If you are blessed enough to know someone with a happy marriage,study them.Study the bad marriages too.See what they do,how they act.All marriages will be different for sure and I don't mean to say that you should start acting like your neighbors wife.You are married to YOUR husband and it is very important to remember that.
BUT......There are many things though that are right for *everybody*.
Study other couples,other women.It is so hard to see your own faults,we all know that.When I see other people act in unattractive ways it really helps me see how it LOOKS.It makes me look at myself and see if *I* act like that.When someone acts in a way that I think is attractive and godly, I look at myself and see if *I* have room for improvement in that area.
You can learn SO much from studying other people.Christian AND non-Christian!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is everyone doing? I have been doing great at #1 and pretty good at #2! Today I just TOTALLY forgot though! I didn't pray or read my Bible and didn't even REALIZE it until tonight!
#3 I really don't have a problem with but it is something I am always keeping in my heart to NOT do.
Lets not *ever* get comfortable and slack in our marriages! No matter HOW wonderful our marriages are we have to make sure that we tend to them every day.
I don't care how healthy you have eaten your entire life,if you quit feeding and watering yourself you are going to die.
Well I am off for now to have an evening with my man! :)
Lately he has been sooooooooooooooo sweet.Telling me every day,multiple times a day how much he loves me and how wonderful I am.Doing the sweetest things for me and helping me out so much........I love that man and I love this challenge! I always want to make sure to keep my marriage ALIVE.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Ask him......
A little,mini challenge for you........and you don't need to share the answers here.(Unless you want to)
Ask your husband if you ever "scold" him.If so.........
Ask him if he likes it.
Ask him if it helps/motivates him to do better.
Ask him if there is anything that you do that makes him feel like a child "in trouble".
Ask him if he avoids doing certain things for fear of getting in trouble with you.
Thats it! :) Pay close attention to his answers and do not get mad at what he says.
Ask your husband if you ever "scold" him.If so.........
Ask him if he likes it.
Ask him if it helps/motivates him to do better.
Ask him if there is anything that you do that makes him feel like a child "in trouble".
Ask him if he avoids doing certain things for fear of getting in trouble with you.
Thats it! :) Pay close attention to his answers and do not get mad at what he says.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Do not scold your man.......
Week 3 ladies!
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Now week 3 is this...........
Do not ever scold your husband.
He is not your child.
We mothers are very prone to including our husbands in with our children when it comes to correction/admonishing/scolding.We need to be VERY careful not to do this.
I have been asked what I believe is appropriate and what is not appropriate as far as correcting your husband.I am going to give several examples of what *I* feel is respectful in this area.Examples to show how *I* have handled things over the years.I am not giving these as FACTS, but my opinions.I will say that I have an excellent marriage and my husband would tell you the same.I will also say that I have never seen a happy marriage where the wife was in the "mother" role towards her husband."Scolding" him and correcting him at every turn.
We need to remember these scriptures as we go along.
Ephesians 5:22- 24
Wives,submit yourselves unto your own husbands,as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,even as Christ is the head of the church:and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought I would use the definitions below to help me explain.
Scolding
1.the action of one who scolds
2: a harsh reproof
Admonish
1a : to indicate duties or obligations to b : to express warning or disapproval to especially in a gentle, earnest, or solicitous manner
2: to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement to
Correct
1a : to make or set right : amend
2a : to punish (as a child) with a view to reforming or improving b : to point out usually for amendment the errors or faults of
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok,first and foremost.............NEVER,
I repeat,NEVER :) scold(definition #2) your husband in front of others.Even the children.
It is a good idea to never scold your husband period.I don't think I ever have.Not even in private.
My husband would not, and has never, even scolded ME in public or in front of the children and he is not even commanded to reverence ME.
Example of scolding.......
You see your husband rough housing with the children and he falls back onto the coffee table,busting it.
"Now look! You busted the coffee table! I wish you would think about stuff like that! You are being irresponsible and not a good steward of what the Lord has given you and look what a bad example you are being to the children!You are supposed to be TEACHING THEM to be responsible!"
That makes me cringe.
I have heard it many,many,times from many,many wives.
You should never speak to your husband like that.Decide today that you will NEVER scold your husband like that.I don't care if he ruins the furniture,doesn't put the toilet seat down,lets the children do things you don't think he should,doesn't come home when he says he will etc. etc.
Here is a little test to put yourself through.(You don't have to tell us the answer.)
What would you say/how would you act if you asked your husband to watch the children while you took a shower and when you came back out 15 minutes later your toddler was coloring on the walls while your husband was playing a computer game?
Would you scold him? Would you remind him in that *tone* that he was supposed to be watching the children? Would you say alot more than that?
If you are the scolding type,you are doing your marriage and family much harm.All you are doing is showing how little "reverence" you have for your husband.How little you respect him.It will not motivate him to do right.It will only make him feel negative towards you.You will accomplish NOTHING more than tearing your marriage down.
Do NOT scold him.
Your husband has alot of growing and maturing to do,as do you.You can best help him do this by being determined to be his help,his lover,his support.......NOT his mother.Train your children,leave your husband alone.
Can you never tell him that he is wrong?
Well yes,there are definitely times that you can tell your husband that you believe he is wrong ,but when you do it,it shouldn't be in a "scolding" way and it should always be in private.
Ask him how it makes him feel to be scolded by you.(If you are a scolder)
Admonishment
In my marriage I never do 1.a.I do not remind my husband of what he should be doing for the children and I.That is not my place.
I will do 1.b and 2. if my husband asks for my opinion.(Which he does often). I am very careful though to make my words reverent and respectful.
For instance,lately he is looking for a truck and has asked my opinion *many* times.:) He loves talking about it with me.I give him my opinion BUT I do not expect him to follow it.Whatever he decides is fine.
If I think that Chevy's are junk and he decided to get a Chevy I am not going to admonish him.
If he calls me and tells me that he is going to go look at a truck, I will not admonish him to be careful to make sure it has good tires and that it gets good gas mileage etc.
If he comes home with a truck that cost $10,000.00 more than we wanted to spend I will not admonish him.
I am to submit to him in all things,as unto the Lord,as the church does to Christ....I am to respect him and REVERENCE him......
He chooses the path we are going to go, and I help him along the way.I will respectfully give him my opinions (while being very careful not to be a nag) and then follow him and what he decides.Not admonishing him for his decisions.
Correction
I find it very disrespectful to hear a man telling a group of people a story about a green truck and hear his wife pipe up that "actually it was blue".I am very careful that I do not use this type of correction much.It usually is not respectful or necessary.Once in a while,if it is very important to have the exact facts,I will say something but I make sure it is not in a disrespectful way.
We will joke around alot and that is different.He may be telling a friend about the time he soaked me with the water hose and I won't hesitate to say "You did NOT! I was barely wet! YOU were the one who got soaked!" etc. etc. :)
I better make a disclaimer that if your husband wants to rob banks and have you be the one to hold the gun to the bank tellers head then NO,you should not refrain from correcting him, and you should not submit to him.
So there you go! Those are some of my opinions on this topic.
Week 1-Greet him with JOY when he comes home and then keep your words sweet for *at least* 15 minutes.
Week 2-Start your day strong! Take time to get your priorities straight.Pray for strength and read your Bible.
Week 3-Do not ever scold your husband!
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